I'm going to share some very raw, personal stuff here. I always try to be "HOT," as I shared with my friend Danielle yesterday. Honest, Open and Transparent = HOT.
That song had me weeping each time I practiced it last week, and even more so when I performed it yesterday; however, I didn't fully grasp it until last night.
I awoke at 2 AM yesterday and never went back to sleep. In the past this would have been just horrendous for me; however, I was fine yesterday. Sure, I was tired, but I was FINE! The Lord has brought me SO FAR in this past year!! I told Danielle last night, that I feel like I've reverse-aged 15 years in this past year, thanks largely to the Lord using Plexus in my life!
Unfortunately, I've been a "slave to fear" much of my life! I've really been struggling with this since we've moved back to OK, and we're "empty nesters." The song, "Fear is a Liar," by Zack Williams, has been very powerful to me with at least trying to face the fears I could recognize at the time. I'm so very thankful to my sweet husband for being brave enough to confront me, (gently and lovingly), about these fears. It got me to thinking, and when I awoke in the middle of the night, as is often the case, I "Processed" with a couple of my friends via email and Messenger.
During that time of processing, I realized how deeply seated my fears really were. I shouldn't say "my fears," because I DON'T OWN THEM! The fears that the enemy has placed within my heart, would be more appropriate. As a young child, I was nearly killed by the allergies I experienced, and I allowed that fear to grip me. Last year, I had several small strokes, and again, I allowed the fear to grip my heart. When we were houseparents, (I don't know if it was there before or not?), I became afraid of driving because I would wrestle with being able to stay awake on the road. Thankfully, I could always tell when I was so sleepy as to become dangerous. I never actually fell asleep to the point of narcolepsy, but I may have been slightly narcoleptic?
I could go on, but that's not the point. The point is that I'm like an onion, God is continuing to work on me with his relentless love! I really didn't understand that concept fully until last night. The song "You Won't Relent," states
You won't relent until you have it all,My heart is yours.I thought that I was fully surrendered to God! I thought that everything I had was his! I thought he was my all in all. Last night I discovered otherwise.
1 Corinthians 9:27 Living Bible (TLB)27 Like an athlete I punish my body, treating it roughly, training it to do what it should, not what it wants to. Otherwise I fear that after enlisting others for the race, I myself might be declared unfit and ordered to stand aside.This verse has been meaning much more to me lately. Years ago when I first encountered it, I thought Paul was some sort of masochist! However, I'm beginning to understand what he means. My husband and I have lived our lives in service to the Lord, and our children are following after us. But the Lord is still uncovering areas in my life that are not holy to him. He wants my all!
Have you given your all to Jesus? Do you have areas in your life where fear is reigning? I'm certain that if we're truly seeking God in our lives, that we're all a bit like "onions" -- parts of us are rotten and the entire thing LOOKS fine while others... He's peeling us back to make us pure.
If you need to visit about anything feel free to contact me via this forum. I read everything usually within a few hours. Many blessings my friends ❤
